Author Topic: The Joke Thread!  (Read 2003 times)

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Offline Axxe55

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Re: The Joke Thread!
« Reply #40 on: July 14, 2019, 03:56:29 PM »
What a simple and brilliant idea!

I particularly like the 'spare' seat announcement!!
It's hard to beat Israeli technology!
TEL AVIV, Israel –
The Israelis are developing an airport security device that
eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners.

It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.
Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone,
with none of this crap about racial profiling.

It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.
You're in the airport terminal and you hear a "muffled explosion".
Shortly thereafter, an announcement:

"Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is pleased to announce a
seat available on Flight 670 to London”.:p

“Shalom!"
Misguided Miscreant!
North of Hell, and South of Heaven. Texas, by God!
"It is far better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees."
Remember the Alamo.
NRA Member. TSRA Member.
"I have one nerve left, and it seems there is that one idiot that feels the need to get on it."
"Go ahead, make my day." Dirty Harry. (Carries a 44 Magnum. Nuf said.)

Offline Axxe55

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Re: The Joke Thread!
« Reply #41 on: July 14, 2019, 04:05:23 PM »
Misguided Miscreant!
North of Hell, and South of Heaven. Texas, by God!
"It is far better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees."
Remember the Alamo.
NRA Member. TSRA Member.
"I have one nerve left, and it seems there is that one idiot that feels the need to get on it."
"Go ahead, make my day." Dirty Harry. (Carries a 44 Magnum. Nuf said.)

Offline Axxe55

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Re: The Joke Thread!
« Reply #42 on: July 14, 2019, 04:06:06 PM »
Misguided Miscreant!
North of Hell, and South of Heaven. Texas, by God!
"It is far better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees."
Remember the Alamo.
NRA Member. TSRA Member.
"I have one nerve left, and it seems there is that one idiot that feels the need to get on it."
"Go ahead, make my day." Dirty Harry. (Carries a 44 Magnum. Nuf said.)

Offline Axxe55

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Re: The Joke Thread!
« Reply #43 on: July 30, 2019, 10:01:38 AM »
ALL MEN LIKE TO THINK THEY ARE MARRYING NYMPHOMANIACS.
THE PROBLEM IS THAT AFTER A FEW YEARS,
THE NYMPHO LEAVES
AND THE MANIAC STAYS.
Misguided Miscreant!
North of Hell, and South of Heaven. Texas, by God!
"It is far better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees."
Remember the Alamo.
NRA Member. TSRA Member.
"I have one nerve left, and it seems there is that one idiot that feels the need to get on it."
"Go ahead, make my day." Dirty Harry. (Carries a 44 Magnum. Nuf said.)

Offline Axxe55

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Re: The Joke Thread!
« Reply #44 on: August 10, 2019, 03:45:30 AM »
Please keep this in mind guys!  :wave1:

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Misguided Miscreant!
North of Hell, and South of Heaven. Texas, by God!
"It is far better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees."
Remember the Alamo.
NRA Member. TSRA Member.
"I have one nerve left, and it seems there is that one idiot that feels the need to get on it."
"Go ahead, make my day." Dirty Harry. (Carries a 44 Magnum. Nuf said.)